♥My Daily Bitchings.

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heroine bitchings go on, talk yearns loves!

The Heroine

Of Her Own Story.

One FacinatingBitch.

MySpace Playlist at MixPod.com

Saturday, May 30, 2009

FcukLife! ♥ 8:42 AM

I Forgot To Click The Publish Button. How Dumb Of Me.

Time-Check: Saturday, 3oth May, 2.45pm.

The Usual Brag Is Not Necessary. The Whole I Wanted To Blog But... BLAHBLAHBLAH! I Know No One's Interested.

It's Not Like I Finally Found Mood To Blog. Actually Im Blogging Cause I Lost It. Lols.

Life's Really A Bitch Sometimes. Like I Mean, You Try So Hard Not To Hurt Anyone, Yet Without You Realising, You Have To. Im Sorry If I Had Hurt Any Of My Love Ones. & I Believe Right Now, The One Who's Badly Affected By Me Is My Mum. Gosh, I've Been Throwing All My Tantrums On Her. Im Sorry Mum. I Love You Most I Guess?

I Have To Admit, Im Not At All In The Best Mood. I Might Seem Like I Like How Everything's Going The Way It Should. But What's The Use Of Wearing A Mask All The Time? & All This Anger I Have Inside Me, Just Not Sure Where To Release Them, I Keep Doing It To Myself. My Inner-Lips Are Swelled. My Thumbs Look Disgusting With All The Peeling. My Hand Has A Signature Of My Name CARVED On It. I Run Up & Down My School For Absolutely No Reason. Im Walking Alot These Days. I Take The Steps All The Way To The 12th Floor & Back Down When The Lifts Are Working Alright. Im Eating Alot Less. Im Sleeping Very Little. I Go Mute At Times When Im With Company. Etc! Right Now, Even If A Car Hit Me, It Wouldn't Hurt So Much? It's Fcuking Wierd. I Used To Dance Along To All The Songs I Hear. Right Now Whenever I Plug In Those Ear Piece, I Feel A Tear Rolling Down My Cheek. & Sometimes, I Just Feel Like Tearing My Ear Piece Into Pieces. I Hate To Be Depressed. I Hate To Tune To Those Emo Songs. I Just Hate The Way Im Behaving Right Now.

I Swear I Prepared Hard For This Day. I Knew It'll Come, Just Not Too Soon Maybe? I Told Myself I'll Be Strong & Not Breakdown Like How I Always Do. I Told MySelf I'll Find All The Ways To Divert My Mind Elsewhere But Not Misuse Them. I Told Myself I Shouldn't Miss You Cause It'll Just Make Everything More Complicating. But Who Am I Kidding?

You're Just Too Difficult To Read. & Im Sick Of Trying To Figure How Things Work. It's Just Too Much Pressure. & What Pleasure Is There For One To Make Something So Easy So Complicated? Something As Simple As A Yes/No Qn Keeps Ending Up Into A I Don't Know, Don't Ask Me, Bye Answer. What's So Hard In Saying Yes Or No. & How Do You Do It. Pls Teach Me How Do You Use Them Words Knowing It'll Prick Me Hard.

If I Had Gave You Tonns of Hard Time, Maybe I Could Accept This As Karma. But Knowing I Did Put In All My Effort, My Hard Work, Patience, I Don't Think I Deserve This In Return. & Stop The Whole The World Is Unfair Sometimes Shit. If The World Is Unfair, You Ain't Part Of It. Cause I Believe You Got More Than What You Should. & I Swear Im So Jealous I Didn't Get The Chance To Feel & Get Everything You Felt & Received. All That Love, Attention.

& Right Now Im Yearning To Just Take A Walk Or A Cycle. Somewhere Abit Far. Where I Don't Have To See How Narcisstic The World Can Get. & To Think I Used To Be That Optimistic Person Who's Telling Around To Believe In Good Things.

What's Killing Me Is Being Unable To Speak To Anybody About It. Cause You're The Only One Who Plays A Part In This. I Want No One To Interfere. Im Trying So Hard To Not Pour Out Anything. It Sucks, It Really Does. & It Sucks More To Know Im Going To Lose It All Very Soon.

Now Isn't The Right Time For All This. & That's What I Mean By I Need A Break. & I Hate To Cancel Plans. Though I Don't Really Have A Choice. Im Sorry If Im The Spoiler. But Try To Be In My Shoes For A Second Or Two. I Know As My Love Ones, Yall Will Understand.

It's Really Suprising That Im Holding On For This Long. But I'll Try My Best To Keep Holding On. I Guess, Right Now, It's Too Late To Cry Over Spilt Milk. But Hey, Once Bitten, Twice Shy. I'll Make Sure I Make More Wiser Decisions Next Time Round.

& As For You,
Stop It, Just Stop Everything. Cause Honestly, Im Sick Of Playing Hide&Seek Games. Im Sick Of Seeing All The Others Having A Great Time While Im Always Stuck. Im Sick Of Lying On My Bed & Thinking About Us Over & Over Again. Im Sick Of Listening To Slow Music That Reminds Me Of Everything. Love Is Something Awesome, I've Felt It Too. With You Infact. Just That, It Wasnt The Same Anymore. Neither Could I Figure Nor Fix Things. But I Badly Wanted To. I Would Have Done Anything For You. That's How Much I Would Have Proven. Sadly Nothing I Did Was Visible. I Still Yearn For The Good Times Knowing They Are Just Fat Hopes. & Starting Anew Is Just Impossible To Last. It'll Just Start Over Again, & We'll End Up Here Again. I Still Don't Get It.. Never Will...
But One Thing's For Sure, You'll Always Be In My Heart. Nothing Can Change That. Nothing Can Stop Me From Missing You. Cause There Was A Time Where What We Shared Was Special.
Goodbye For Now.

Labels: If You Love Me Say It. If You Don't Just Go.